My Facebook Addiction, Explained

I'm a chronic Facebooker.  I freely and willingly (almost, dare I say, proudly?) admit it.  I love it!  It's one of the first things I check when I wake up in the morning, and one of the last things I check before I go to bed.  I wonder what I did with my time before it was invented.  Ah, yes.  Facebook.  If I were forced at gunpoint to get a tattoo (the only scenario in which I'd ever get a tattoo, for the record)?  I'd choose the classic Facebook thumbs up icon.  It would be located on a buttock.

At first, Facebook was an easy way for me to share photos of my children with their grandparents, all four of whom live 5000 kilometres away on the other side of this ridiculously spread-out country of ours (Oh...  CANADA!).  Then, I began to reunite with old friends and classmates and establish fresh relationships with new friends and coworkers.  Next it became an easy way to plan get-togethers and parties.  Finally it became my one-stop shop for posting comments, feelings, facts, opinions, photos, recipes, photos of recipes, likes, smiles, announcements, encouragement, jokes, life-events, and snubs.  I check out places, check in to places, ask about places, look at photos of places.  It is versatile!  Ever-changing!  Fun!

Now I know there are judge-y people out there.  People who roll their eyes at my frequent-Facebooking.  They say to themselves "Really!  No one CARES what you are having for supper tonight!" and "Doesn't she have anything BETTER to do?".  The truth of the matter is that yes, I DO in fact have better things I could be doing.  Teaching my children mandarin.  Cleaning walls.  Taking inventory of my deep freezer.  Using my mini-donut maker that my darling husband gave me for Christmas that I haven't even tried yet (shame, shame!).  But, the truth of the matter is that when it comes to choosing one activity over another?  Facebook always wins.

You may ask, Why?  Why Momma Sue?  You're so personable and witty and stylish!  Why do you bury your head in your computer instead of seeking out real activity with real people?

The answer boils down to pretty much one thing:  Loneliness.

Yep.  There you have it.  I'm lonely.  Or, at least I would be if it weren't for Facebook.  You see, dear devoted readers, I am a stay-at-home Mom of two.  It's THEIR lives that determine my schedule, not my desire to see and interact with the world.  If my kids have gymnastics, then off to gymnastics we go, where I MAY exchange a sentence or two with the coaches before we're thrown into an intense (albeit, fun) 55 minutes of padded flip-floppy fun!  If my son has preschool, then the entire day is geared toward making sure he's up early to eat breakfast, then some good wholesome fun, then some lunch, then the 20 minute drive to school, then killing 3.5 hours, then being there on time for his pickup.  If my daughter needs to nap by 3:00pm at the latest then it's me driving down the highway toward home at maximum speed at 2:55pm, already sweating a little because I already know this will throw her off schedule at bedtime.  How do you swing spa time and dark-brewed coffee dates around that chaos, especially with a complex and glamorous 2 year old girl and a rowdy and inquisitive 4 year old in tow?  (Spoiler alert - you don't.)

When I became a new mother back in 2008, I quickly realized what a lonely existence it can be to be a stay-at-home Mama, especially with an equally busy husband (who at the time was finishing residency/at the bottom of the medical totem pole).  Sure I got out as often as I could, frequented the grocery and children's consignment stores.  I walked when the weather was nice, seeking out the footpaths frequented by those who would be most likely to compliment me on my gorgeous new baby boy (near the retirement home).  But in general?  It was lonely.  He had a schedule he needed and I was damned if I was going to mess with that (you don't mess with the schedule of an 8 week old who sleeps through the night.  You just don't.)  Not a whole lot of interaction or life-sharing from the hours of 8:00am and 5:00pm.  That's when my FB addiction took root and I suppose, grew.  Flourished!

To clarify, though, it's not the same loneliness that (I'm assuming) people who peruse the free personal ads on Kijiji are feeling.  It's the kind of loneliness that is new to me, since becoming a parent.  It's the sensation of wanting to share each and every moment that I experience with my children, with EVERYONE else, too.

Let me explain.

You see my kids are amazing and are the most beautiful, intelligent, radiant, creative, and funny creatures I've ever set my eyes upon.  EVER.  And, raising them by myself during the day Monday thru Friday, I just find it a damn damn SHAME that people are missing out on their lives (whether or not these people actually feel they are missing out on something, that is left to be discovered).  So, when Claire says something unknowingly funny, or Joshua puts his underwear on his head, I feel this keen sense of loss and alone-ness that no one was here to experience that with me.  So what's the first thing I do?  Post it!  Update my status about it!  Take a photo and upload it and add a funny title for it!  That way?  Others can "experience" these things with me, in a sense, and the memory is somewhat shared and captured.  I feel giddy that others get to "be here" for it, too.  See?

Oh sure I COULD pick up the phone and talk to someone about these things, but in the chaos that is my life a phone call often gets interrupted by shouts and screams and pee on the carpet and markers that won't open and "I'm thirsty!" and "I'm hungry!" and "She's TOUCHING ME!".  You know.  Those sorts of distractions.  Plus a phone doesn't give that person a photo of the event.  It also only reaches ONE person.  Facebook?  Hundreds.  Bam.  Photos included.  Bam bam.  Witty comment no extra charge.  Bam bam bam.

Also?  I kinda enjoy a little attention myself.  There!  I said it... ARE YOU HAPPY?  When I bake something cool in the kitchen with the kids, or pull off a complex dinnertime recipe, or make an awesome craft with the kids, or organize the crap out of something in the house, sure I love to post a few (dozen) photos of what I did, to get a few kudos.  Makes me feel good.  Now is that so WRONG?  I mean aren't there WORSE things?  Cut me some slack.

I guess I love the sensation that the things I'm doing can be shared with the people in my life that are too busy to PHYSICALLY be here with me.  After all, I'm told other people have lives.  So when I open up Facebook and see that people have "liked" the photos and commented on the posts I've created, it (mostly) feels great.  Yes, there are haters and criticizers of EVERYTHING.  Those people who rarely if ever have anything good to say about anything.  But even those comments I enjoy...  they make me think.  They make me ask "Why is that comment making my blood boil!?".  They are excellent conversation-starters for chats my husband and I have after the kids are in bed.

We don't have family living nearby who are able to stop in and see the kids and share the daily hum-drum with me, or taste my latest batch of home cookin' and tell me that it's even BETTER than the last batch.  We don't live in a era where friends "stop in", which I have to admit is a mixed blessing - no one needs to see Momma Sue without her Avon thickly applied.  Plus I'd probably be too busy or elbow deep in a diaper to hear the doorbell.

But?  Facebook?  It makes me feel less apart from friends and family and the people I care about.  It relieves some of the feeling of being "alone".  It's my addiction, my dirty little not-so-secret.  It interrupted the writing of this blog at LEAST 20 times.  But I'm okay with that.  I hope you can respect and even "Like" that part of me, too.

-TDW